Aw, Hell
by Spades813
Summary: Well this was not how Alfred wanted to spend his first semester. Detention every week was not fun. But he did help Gilbert vandalize the teachers lounge. Now Alfred has to spend time in detention with his English teacher that he thinks hates him. Where in reality, Mr. Kirkland actually has the hots for him. UKUS. Future lemon. Not quite shouta. YAOI. Teacher kink. Enjoy and review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Honestly this chapter was a bit hard for me to write. Because I've always learned to write really frilly and good descriptive writing. But this is told in first person point of view by none other than Alfred. And he doesn't speak frilly and proper. Neither do I, so I used my ways of speech for him in this story. Problem is that instead of saying things like, "He bid us good night", I have to type, "He told us goodnight." Because the second one is more like Alfred. Ya know? Oh well, hope you enjoy!**

**Warnings: This includes YAOI (boyxboy) don't like then please dont read. Also this fanfic includes sexual intercourse so if you do not like that content then please don't read. I don't see why anyone could report this now, seeing as I have warned you. Also there is foul language and mentions of vandalism. MOST IMPORTANT: This fic does have sexual intercourse between a grown man and slightly a minor. I WARNED YOU. But I wouldn't really say this is shouta. This fic does have sexual intercourse between a student and teacher, so please if you are sensitive to that then don't read this.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or any of its characters. They belong to their rightful owner. If I owned Hetalia then there would be lots of Yaoi and mmmm don't get me started on all UKUS things I'd put in it. If it was up to me there would be no way in hell that America would have won the revolutionary war...even though I'm American. Heh…**

**Any who, thank you. And to my fellow UKUS yaoi fans, enjoy~!**

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**Chapter 1:**

**A/N: Sorry for any incorrect grammar, I did it to stay in character of how Alfred acts.**

"Shit, shit, shit, _shit,_" I chanted as my buddy Gilbert and I sped down the empty, dark hallways of the teacher's dorms. We were so screwed! I couldn't believe I let him talk me into this!

"_It vill be awesome!" _He said. Yeah fucking right! I mean sure, spray painting funny pictures of the teachers in their own lounge was hilarious. The outcome not so much.

I didn't even take part in the vandalism of the lounge. I just stood watch while Gil handled it.

This was all because Mr. Fritz just_ had_ to give Gil detention! Everyone knew not to mess with Gilbert Bielschmidt, you give him detention and suddenly your classroom is painted pink. Though Feliks usually helped with that one…

Well now there was a huge mural of Mr. Fritz that was nothing except downright insulting. Gilbert made him have a huge mustache, dopey eyes, and a goofy perverted looking grin.

Also right next to the mural in big graffiti letters was, '_Suck my awesome dick, arschlöcher! _I asked Gil what arschlöcher even means, he said it means, 'asshole' in German. Well I'm the type of guy who only knows the great American language so I wouldn't know if what he wrote was correct or not. Then again it was his native language. Even though Gilbert insisted he was, 'Prussian'.

If ya asked me, I think Gil wanted to be caught. Writing in German was like signing his name. Sure it's normal for people to speak a second language, but why put it in graffiti art?

God, if you're listening, please don't let me die because I'm an idiot!

Ugh, this wasn't very hero like.

"This way!" Gilbert yelled in a whisper voice, grabbing my sweatshirt sleeve while dragging me towards the stairwell. Our hearts beated a mile a minute while we practically flung ourselves down the stairs, not caring how much noise we made. All the teachers already knew we were in their dorm house and all of them were looking for us already. So there was no need to be quiet, they were already awake.

"There's the door!" I shouted gleefully, making a beeline for the exit door, with Gil hot on my heels.

I flung the doors open swiftly. Our legs pumped as we ran faster than we ever had before across the grounds.

On the plus side, I felt like we were going to make it! The boy's dorm was right ahead! Fuck yeah! Getting off scot free! Unless Kiku turned us in…

"Gimme the bag!" Gilbert demanded, stretching out his hand for the backpack as we ran. Quickly I handed it over.

He dug into the bag while trying to watch his step. He pulled out the two cans of spray paint and a tissue. Hurriedly he wiped the cans with the tissue then dropped the cans to the ground, then slung the backpack over his shoulder.

"Hey that's littering!" I scolded.

"It's evidence. Ve just vandalized the teacher's lounge and that's vhat you're vorrying about?!" He deadpanned.

I glared, "Nooo, _you_ vandalized the school! I just stood watch!"

"Hey no pussying out of this! You came so that makes you as guilty as I am!" He yelled back. Gilbert had a point. But I wouldn't tell him that.

Quickly we opened the door to the boy's dorms, ran up to the third floor and then to me and my Brother Matthew's dorm.

I pounded on my dorm's door like this was the jurrasic park movie, "MATTIE OPEN UP!" I screamed. After that the door opened to reveal my stunned looking older twin brother.

"You actually did it?!" he hissed at us unbelievably. But we ignored it. Seeing as we were preoccupied with tearing off our bulky black clothing (relax our pajamas were on underneath) and ski mask. After the articles of clothing were off of our bodies I stuffed them into the bottom of my dresser along with my book bag that took part in the crime.

We made it. I was so happy; the feel of adrenaline filled me as I was like 'fuck yeah'! Come on, I felt on top of the world. Now all I needed was a deluxe cheeseburger and a bunch of Dis*ney movies and then we're good to go! Mmm cheeseburgers...Gah! I'll get one tomorrow. Mind, stop thinking about food!

And _you,_ Mr. tummy shut up, I fed you before I left.

Ah. I am so fucked up.

"You do know you can get expelled because of this!" Matthew scolded, looking to both of us, his purple colored eyes filled with rage.

Ya see, you never want an angry, sleepy, Canadian on your hands. It ends badly.

"Yeah but ve veren't caught birdie. So you can stop vorrying about the awesome me," Gilbert smiled cheekily as he snaked an arm around my brother's shoulders. Good ol' Gil. I think they had a thing going on. But I'll never know.

Next thing we knew the speakers in the hallways came on.

"_Students,_" it began, "_The headmaster has been informed of a vandalizing in the teacher's lounge. Sorry to all of you who are not involved, but pairs of staff members will be moving from room to room for investigation, one pair assigned to each floor. We are not thrilled about being woken up either, but we must search for the culprits. We will hold an assembly in the cafeteria tomorrow if the culprit is not found. That is all,"_ then it clicked off.

At the same time me and Gilbert looked to each other with wide eyes.

We were so fucked.

So much for scot free. Now I was gonna get kicked out of high school and probably a shitload more punishments. Jolly good.

Where the hell did that come from?

"Wait Gilbert, you can't be here!" Matthew panicked. But Gilbert was already out of our dorm in a flash, heading to his own dorm which was two doors down.

Eventually the 'staff members' made it to the third floor and there was soon a knock on our door.

Me and Matthew exchanged worried glances before I hesitantly reached for the door handle.

That was when I remembered. Oh fuck, all of the evidence was lying in my dresser. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Quickly I messed up my hair while Mattie messed up my bed to look like I had been sleeping.

It felt like an hour passed until I opened the door with a pretend yawn (it was actually only seven seconds). But who's counting?

Once the door was opened my eyes landed on the two, slightly taller than me, teachers. It was none other than Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy.

Why me?! Everyone knew Mr. Kirkland didn't like me. He would always call on me for an answer to a question when he damn right knew I wasn't paying attention. I think teachers do that so they have evidence of you not paying attention and then they can torment you…

And I know, I know, I should be paying attention in class. But I couldn't help that he was so unbelievably BORING.

Come to think of it, I think he used to be a freshmen year history teacher. Rumor has it that some kid asked him about the revolutionary war and he ended up breaking down crying. Weird right? So now he's my English teacher in sophomore year.

Besides that though, I just knew that he really didn't like me. He'd always call out on my mistakes and call me these weird British curse words that I didn't even know what they meant. Can someone please tell me what a, 'Bloody wanker', is?!

Anyone?!

Every time I asked Mattie about it, he'd laugh at me. Oh well. Then again it sounded kind of painful. I mean come on, a 'bloody wanker'? That did sound painful. Oh! Maybe it was like a purple nurple or something? Maybeeee...I will have to ask one of these days.

Now for all ya'll kids who don't know this, Mr. Kirkland usually scowled. A lot. But at the moment he was _seething_. If this was looney tunes he would have smoke coming out of his ears. If you looked hard enough I think you could see smoke...now that I think about it.

"Hey Mr. Kirkland!" I said cheerfully, sporting a wide cheesy smile on my face. Oh I was so fucked. I knew it, and Matthew knew it too. But I would try and hide that fact with everything I had.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with this deadpanned look and a glint in his green eyes that I couldn't quite place. Whatever it was it made me slightly squirm where I stood. Then he grumbled, "Step aside twit, I want to go back to sleep while it is still night time and not early morning," then he pushed past me into me and Mattie's room.

RUDE! He acted like I was a criminal! Then again I suppose I sort of was...

"Mon Dieu. Stupide kids and zheir pranks. Unlike Mr. Caterpillar eyebrows over here, I need my beauty sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy whined as he strode past me and began digging through Matthew's jour.

Well this sucked. Your teachers seeing your underwear was like the last thing you could ever want to happen.

"Shut it, frog! I already told the headmaster it was that Prussian git but he insisted, 'everyone is innocent until proven guilty'. Utter bollocks," Mr. Kirkland growled while going through my tighty whitey drawer. This made pink dust across my cheeks. I had to see this guy in English class tomorrow, and now he knew what my boxers looked like. Plus...three drawers down in my dresser was the evidence that would get me expelled.

Sensing me tensing up, from behind Mattie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

And then everything went downhill. Just like Jack and Jill.

"Hold on a tic, what is this?" Mr. Kirkland asked as he pulled out me and Gilbert's clothes, our ski mask, and of course my book bag….while smirking…

That limey bastard was glad it was me, wasn't he!

Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy turned around to look at me and Matthew. I could have wet myself like a puppy under their stares (although Kirkland's was more like a full blown glare). Matthew also looked frightened as he looked to me for help. Thanks dude.

I honestly think Mr. Kirkland was delighted that he could expel me now, and I think Mr. Bonnefoy just wanted to wring my neck because I ruined his, 'beauty sleep'.

"Anything you two care to explain?" Mr. Bonnefoy quipped, combing a distressed hand through his long wavy blonde hair.

I remained calm with my usual five star smile, "I get cold?" I gave it a shot while I rocked back and forth on my heels. Even I wouldn't have believed my own sorry excuse. And usually I'm the one who 'can't read the atmosphere'.

Well I'm reading it now and it's saying I'm screwed and I'm never going to see sunlight again. Peachy.

My English teacher crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh? Because I recall that in the surveillance footage we watched, the culprits were dressed like this and had a book bag with this pattern," he hissed, stepping closer to me. Making shivers go down my spine as I nervously toyed with the hem of my pajama shirt. Mr. Kirkland was practically smiling through that smirk of his. Scratch that, he's not a bastard.

He's a creepy bastard!

I laughed trying to calm my nerves, "Really? That's interesting," I replied, practically shaking as I rubbed the back of my head. Didn't Gilbert cover the cameras? I thought he did...

Gilbert, if you are reading this. I hate you.

"Arthur I zink zese are the culprits so let's get on with zis so I can go back to sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy grumbled. But then he looked to Matthew who was his best student with sad eyes, "But I can say zat honestly I would not have zhought you would do something like zis, Matthieu."

Matthew looked down in shame. I couldn't believe this, was he really going to take the fall for Gil?

Kirkland rolled his eyes while keeping his eyes closely trained on me, looking highly amused, "Yes, yes, this is all very sorrowful. Now let's get these two to the headmaster so we can go to sleep."

"Wait a second! Mattie didn't do anything! It's I- uh…my fault!" I practically yelled, waving my arms in protest while I stepped in front of my slightly older twin. Look at me! I'm the baby bro and I got courage. I think I earned myself ten points in the brother category.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with mischief and another one of those unrecognizable glints swam in his eyes. I think he was trying to burn a hole through my head.

Or eye raping me….

Naaaah.

Mr. Bonnefoy smiled warmly at me, "Although zat is noble of you Alfred, zhere are two outfits here. So who was ze other in this hilarious crime?"

Mr. Kirkland fumed, "Belt up frog. It's not funny!" Then he decked him.

I tried to stifle a giggle at the ridiculous display, but failed miserably. Kirkland's head snapped to the side to glare at me, "You think this is funny?" he groused. From behind me Mattie leaned over to silently whisper in my ear, "What did Gilbert paint?"

I ignored him though. "N-no! It's not funny at all, sir!" I stumbled through my words. Yet, I was still laughing. Smoooth.

"It doesn't matter I suppose at the moment. This sweatshirt sleeve has a streak of spray paint on it. I think that's evidence enough," Mr. Kirkland told Mr. Bonnefoy, "I will see to it that he gets to the headmaster. You retire back to bed. I do not feel like hearing anymore of your bothersome yapping."

Nodding, Mr. Bonnefoy bid us good night. Usually Mr. Bonnefoy would reply with a witty reply but the man looked too tired to.

As he wove through us to get to the door, for just a measly split second he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a troubled grin as he passed me. I could tell he felt sorry for me.

"Alright let's go," Mr. Kirkland barked at me as he placed his palm on my shoulder blade and pushed me forward out into the hall. Well this sucked.

Out in the hallway were most of the other students who were told to step out of their dorms.

They all looked to me with wondering eyes. I especially saw Gil through the crowded hallway. His red eyes were widened, looking helpless and worried.

I think he thought I would rat him out. But I would never do that. I wasn't much of a hero tonight but I still wasn't going to drag him down with me. Even if he was guilty.

Whispers spread through the hallway as I felt my stomach churn. Hmmmm. That was my thinking face.

Oh I know.

I met Gilbert's stare with my own blue eyes. I gave him a quick thumbs up and a winning smile to let him know it was all good. As soon as I did that his tense shoulders visibly slacked with relief. He got the message because; he was just 'awesome' like that.

Mr. Kirkland rolled his eyes as he grabbed my shirt collar and hauled me away from my dorm room and to the headmaster's.

Blegh. Ok Gil, all is forgiven. But buy me a cheeseburger if I survive will ya? You too Mattie.

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**A/N: Whatcha think?! :D I liked it….Anyways, this is a story that will be about maybe three to six chapters to the most. I hoped you liked it.**

**England: *Rolls eye* review I guess…**

**Spades: Hey be nice! I want them to review, favorite, comment, review, follow, and all that jazz! :D **

**England: =.= What do I get in return?**

**Spades: Let's see, this is a fic between you and America soooOooo, I guess that means you get America?**

**America: *Chokes on hamburger* *Cough, cough* WHAT?!**

**Spades: Nothin….**

**England: *Nose bleeds because of dirty fantasies ;D* DEAL! REVIEW! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGs HOLY, REVIEW!**

**Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second chapter for you lovelies. I got good reviews on the last chapter; they made me really happy and want to post the next chapter as soon as humanly possible with it not being utter crap. So here's this chapter. I'm about to write it and let's see how it turns out. Keep in mind my older brother is sitting right behind me and can see everything I'm writing….Sigh. I really need to buy a laptop.**

**In reply to reviews:**

**MomoPeachFlower: Aww thank you, and I like your username ^J^**

**Carbo21: Yeah sadly Alfred's gonna take the heat. But that's what heroes do! And oh my glob that's hilarious. Your poor husband, but show your American pride! :D**

**OutToGarden: I absolutely adore your review. It made me text my best friend and I was like 'YESSSSH'. I was bouncing off of the walls. Aww your poor cowies. And I do like americalovesthecockpit too. Her writing always makes me laugh and cheer up. She's the reason why I decided to write this in a first person point of view (but not so cracky like hers) because she makes it look so easy and awesome. I like to make people laugh also so my best friend Evelynn said 'be yourself' so this is how this fanfic was born. I'm not very good at writing stuffy things. And I find it is a lot easier to write in first person, also I'm not too far off from America's personality myself, so it's a lot easier to write this. Part of the reason that I cosplay America. Yes Alfred will get laid xD eventually. Without further ado, thank you a whole lot. Your review made me uber special happy!**

**Warnings: Sexual intercourse, slight shouta I guess, mentions of vandalism. YAOI. All that jazz.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters.**

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**Chapter 2:**

The walk down to the headmaster's office was full of shame to say the least. Mr. Kirkland kept a firm hand on my shirt collar all the way there. Whenever we passed some students that were still outside of their dorms they would glare at me. So, I stuck my tongue out at them while pulling down my bottom eyelid with my finger. Classic. Not to mention that when Kirkland was dragging me across the school grounds by my pajama shirt it reminded me of a horror movie. Although I will _never _admit it to anyone but you guys, I hate horror movies, with a passion. Unless they're the ones Kiku watches, they're always cutsie. Anyways so yeah I was being pulled my shirt collar by an angry British man.

If this was a Hollywood blockbuster horror movie, I'd name it, "REVENGE OF THE CATERPILLAR EYEBROWS!"

Awesome, right? I didn't think Mr. Kirkland would find it as funny as I did though so I kept my mouth shut.

I think Mr. Braginski was the only other teacher that hated me more than Mr. Kirkland. Ya see, Mr. Braginski didn't even have to say anything to you, to scare the jelly beans out of you. If he was angry at you, he wouldn't say a thing. He would just stare at you for the entire class, and smile at you. It was a creepy ass smile though, one that made you wanna cry. Don't even get me started on this next one. You know how teachers sometimes smack a student's desk with a ruler to get that student to pay attention? Yes? Well, Mr. Braginski didn't use a ruler. He used a lead _pipe. _I'm not kidding on this one. And every time someone's desk got smacked with that pipe, the desk would have a new dent in it. You should see my desk; it looked like a gang took a bunch of metal bats to it. I'm dead serious.

Getting back on topic, once we got to the headmaster's office, the headmaster himself was already waiting for us. He sat in his rolly chair at his desk, in his pajamas with his head held in his hands. Looking like death. Good to know I'm the one that caused him to be in a bad mood. Sarcastically speaking of course. Ya know, now that I think about it- how come everyone was dressed in their pajamas except Mr. Kirkland? Like seriously, Mr. Bonnefoy wore his weird ass silk fabric pajamas, and the headmaster was in his plaid pajamas. But what was Mr. Kirkland wearing you ask?

A suit. A full three piece suit with the tie, loafers, and everything else. I wonder if he slept in that.

Anyways, I strode into the room and took my seat in front of the headmaster's desk, while Mr. 'I'm so superior' took to standing in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. At the same time he was smirking at the scene displayed in front of him. What I would have given to wipe that smirk off of his face with my fist.

Scratch that, screw him, I'd give anything for a deluxe bacon cheeseburger. Oh my god food. When (if) I got back to my dorm I was going to raid the fridge as if this was Pirates of the Caribbean. Gotta love Jack Sparrow.

The headmaster's office was eerie to say the least. Not to mention completely bland. Why anybody liked a bland office was beyond me. I mean come on; you already got a soul sucking job, so why make your workspace boring too? If I ever get an office job my office would have like American flags everywhere and superhero posters! Oh and rainbows! I like rainbows…

Rainbows remind me of candy. Mm candy.

Oh and not to mention, why do people hang up their certificates all over their office's walls. Are they just showing off or is it required? Seriously if you know, get back to me on that.

"So, Mr. Jones care to explain?" The headmaster spoke up. I cringed at the name. Mr. Jones? Seriously. What was I a grown up now? Ew.

"It's uh, Alfred. And sure I guess…?" Was this a trick question? What's to explain? 

"Very well. I would like you to watch the surveillance footage and then explain it to me," he told me while digging through his drawer. From what I could tell it sounded like a messy drawer.

"M'kay." I replied, twiddling my thumbs. The headmaster nodded and took out a small tablet looking thing and placed it in front of me on the desk. The tablet thing clicked on and then I got an overview shot of the teachers' lounge from about twenty minutes ago.

I saw me and Gilbert walk into the room, decked out in our "burglar" clothes. Immediately Gil went up to the wall and took out a can of spray paint from my backpack, gave it a good shake, then pointed it at the wall and began his work. Meanwhile I saw me standing by the door looking nervous. The whole video was basically me looking like I was about to piss myself while standing watch, while Gil defaced the wall. Then the video ended with us running out of the room.

"I already know you aren't the one that actually painted the wall. So why don't you explain to me why you were standing guard," the headmaster spoke calmly.

"How do you know I wasn't the one who painted the wall?" I inquired, already on the defensive.

"Easy," he replied, "I know for a fact that you don't speak German."

"And what if I do?" I challenged. Ya see a normal person would have said they were the one standing guard (and I was), to seem more innocent. But I didn't want Gilbert to get into trouble. So I told myself to just deny everything. Yeah Alfred, that'll get ya real far. Sarcasm.

Looking irritated, the headmaster took out a piece of paper and pen and started to scribble something on it, then handed it to me.

I looked at it curiously, it read, '_Guten Tag, Schulleiter. Ich kann Deutsch sprechen'. _What the fuck? My brows furrowed in confusion as I looked back to him. What was this gibberish?

"I would like you to read that out loud," he instructed, motioning his hand to the slip of paper. Yeah I don't know German. Chances were, I completely butchered it.

So I tried my best, "Goten tog, Skalliter. Ich can Duchish sprecken." Yep, I completely butchered it. From behind me I could hear Mr. Fucktard, I mean Kirkland, chuckling. I turned red. Bastard.

"Yeah, you can't speak German. So obviously you weren't the one that spray painted the wall because they put something in German. Why don't you tell me what you were doing standing guard and who the student was that actually painted the wall, hm?"

I sighed, "I -uh my friend talked me into it. But I'm not telling you who did it," I stood my ground. Who's awesome now Gilbert?! Come at me bro.

The headmaster sighed, "You realize if you don't tell me I will have to give you full punishment for what they did."

Fuckity fuck, fuck. That was what I was afraid of. "Yeah," I grumbled in response.

"You sure?" He leered.

"Yeah," I sighed. Just get on with it man!

It was silent for a second. Ugh, dude don't leave me hanging. Just tell me what I gotta do!

"Even though I will expel you?"

I gripped my knees while my head hung low. My Mom was going to maul me. "Yeah," I replied again with another sigh.

"You know you remind me of myself when I was your age," he began. Here it goes. I gave him a deadpanned look. I hate when adult's say that. "So I suppose I will let you off easy. You stood in your friends place even though I was going to expel you. That takes courage. Even though what you did was wrong, I admire you in some ways. You're lucky I like your spunk. Also I took a peek at your record; it looks like this is the first time you have done something like this. So I will excuse you just this once," Mother of God, was he serious?!

My eyes widened, "Really?" I treaded carefully, but I could already feel the giant smile breaking across my face. Was he serious? I was surprised Mr. Kirkland didn't jump in to protest. Seeing as how the asshole he was.

"Sadly, yes. How about I give you two days of in school will give you enough time to repaint the wall. And then you have two months of after school detention every other day for two hours. Know this though, if you do anything else like this ever again I will not hesitate to expel you. Understood?" he explained, stroking his beard. That didn't sound too bad. At least now I wouldn't get expelled. My parents would have killed me.

I smiled brightly, "Ok! Yeah, understood!" I agreed. Ok, so I didn't get off scot free. But this was pretty damn close. I could have hugged the man!

Now I had the honor to say, 'FUCK YESH!'

"The problem is, I don't know if I have a teacher who is willing to chaperone your detentions. I suppose I could have them rotate-" He thought aloud.

But was cut off when Mr. Kirkland announced, "I will."

I turned around in my chair to gape at Mr. Kirkland with wide eyes. He just looked back at me though with amusement in his own eyes while having a smirk plastered to his face.

"You will? That's great! Well Alfred I guess that means starting Monday you will have in school suspension and then after that you will have detention for two hours after school every other day with Mr. Kirkland. Any questions?"

Welp. I hate the world.

"No," I sighed, defeated.

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I danced along with the cheeseburgers and hot dogs on top of the giant rainbow with joy. This was the life. There were ice cream mountains and milkshakes for rivers. This was utter bliss.

Too bad it ended when Mattie threw a pillow at my face, making me wake up from my awesome dream.

A pillow to the face was no way to wake up.

I made an 'oomph' noise when Mattie's Canadian flag pillow came in contact with my face.

"Alfred get your butt up. I'm not going to be late for the 'usual spot' because of you," he griped, storming into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Already Mattie wasn't happy with me, so I got out of bed to make sure he didn't become any more irritated with me. Obviously Mattie was angry with me for taking the fall for Gil. He said I got 'lucky' for not getting expelled. When I came back from the headmaster's last night and told him what had happened he was not happy with me at all. I didn't even get to raid the fridge. As soon as I was done telling him what happened he yelled at me to get to bed. Just like Mom.

Oh and in case you are wondering what the 'usual spot' is, that was what we called the room where we and our friends met up. Sometime during freshmen year me and Kiku found this abandoned faculty room in the main school building. No one ever came in there, not even teachers. It really was just an abandoned room. Best part was the room had a coffee maker, a fridge, cabinets, a stove, an oven, and even tables and chairs. It was like a whole kitchen! Sadly the room was quite bland though. Anyways, us and the gang usually met up there before school started in the morning to have breakfast together. Someone would restock the fridge with groceries every Sunday. But we took turns of course so it would be fair.

So yeah, I got out of bed so Mattie wouldn't be even more irritated with me. But when I 'stood up from bed', I realized that I forgot me and Mattie had a bunk bed. And I had top bunk.

Put two and two together, and you would know that it meant I fell from about six feet up and to the floor with a pained groan. Ouchies.

Matthew came back into the room just in time to see me on the floor with a pained expression. "You fell again didn't you?" he huffed.

"Mhm," I winced as I peeled myself off from the floor. That shit hurt. Nothing like a good wake up call, am I right?

"So what kind of week is it?" I inquired while dusting myself off. He hummed it response, "I believe it's healthy week."

"Fuuuuck," I groaned. Alright let me explain this to you too. Healthy week was what we called it when Kiku or Feliks bought groceries for the usual spot. Because what they bought for us to eat for the week was usually a bunch of healthy shit that no one liked. For Toris and Elizabeta it was known as bland week because they would buy a bunch of starchy foods. For me and Gil it was known as 'awesome week' because we would buy a bunch of junk food. Feliciano and Lovino's week was known as 'pasta' week (I think that one is self-explanatory). And then Mattie's week was called 'Maple' week because he would buy a bunch of stuff to make weird Canadian dishes, like 'poutine'.

"You know it's not bad to eat healthy food sometimes Al. By the way, you need to dress in old clothes if you are going to be re-painting the wall," Matthew explained as he began to get dressed.

"Yeah, yeah," I mocked as I walked into the bathroom and did my own morning routine and then dressed in tight fitted black denim jeans with a pull over red hoodie and old white beat up sneakers. Normally I would have worn my prized bomber jacket but I didn't want to get paint on it.

With a quick flick of the wrist to put my glasses on I was ready for my terrible day of wall painting. Great.

"Come on," Mattie waved to me as he opened our dorm room door and stepped out into the hallway with his backpack on his back. I could already tell he was starting to forgive me. He usually didn't stay mad for long. Thank god.

XXXXXxxxxxxXXXXX

The walk to the usual spot was quick and filled with small talk and my excessive teasing.

As soon as I opened the door to the abandoned faculty room I saw all of our friends already there sitting at the table exchanging conversations with a look of concern. Upon seeing me they all jumped up and starting saying things like:

"Alfred! I can't believe you took the fall for that idiot!" That was Elizbeta.

"Alfred-san what happened?" That was Kiku.

"Like what happened or whatever?" That was Feliks.

"Did you get expelled?" That was Toris.

"Ve~ You shouldn't have done that Alfred." That was Feliciano.

"Feliciano shut it!" That was his 'loving' brother, Lovino.

"You didn't rat me out did you?" And the that was Gil.

I held up my hands in defense as I smiled sheepishly, "Dudes calm down, I'm fine. No I didn't rat you out. And no I didn't get expelled."

After that they all sighed in relied and allowed me to walk into the room and sit down without them attacking me with any more questions, until I sat down. Once I did sit down at the table along with Mattie, they started asking questions though once again.

What was I on a talk show? Like Ellen or something like that.

"So what did happen?" Kiku asked calmly, his emotionless brown eyes trained on me.

"Oh, well I got a two days suspension where I have to repaint the stupid wall. And then for two whole months I gotta go through two hours of detention with Mr. Kirkland after school hours, thanks a lot Gil," I pouted, looking to Gilbert. Yeah he should feel guilty.

"Doesn't Mr. Kirkland not like you very much?" Toris asked. I huffed, "Yeah he doesn't. I think he volunteered to chaperone me because he wants to torture me."

"He vorunteered?" Kiku asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded, "Yeah, weird right? Gil, you owe me your life. They were going to expel me," I grumbled.

"Sorry. But vhat made them not expel you? They would have certainly expelled me!" Gilbert exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air.

I sighed for the thousandth time that week, "I don't know. The headmaster said something about me reminding him of himself when he was our age. And also he said it took guts for me to stand my ground and something about how I don't have any black marks on my record. So, he let me off easy."

"That is extraordinary," Kiku commented, seemingly interested.

"So, what do you guys, like, want for breakfast?" Feliks asked, opening the fridge.

"A burger," I grumbled.

"PASTA!" Feliciano cheered.

"Pancakes?" Mattie suggested.

"Vurst!" GIlbert chided.

"Rice balls…" Kiku mumbled.

"Like, only two of those foods are actual breakfast foods. So I say it's either wurst or pancakes?"

Everyone chose pancakes (except for Gilbert) and Mattie ended up cooking them while we all had coffee, tea, and water. We were an odd bunch to say the least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxXXXXXXX

The two days of suspension flew by. I didn't bother writing it because honestly who wants to read about paint drying? It was a terrible experience. Seriously, all it was- was me painting a wall. So let's cut to the good stuff of where my school detention started.

But now it was Wednesday and I had classes as usual. But with the added in fact that all the teachers were glaring at me the whole time. Mr. Braginski practically had dark aura rolling off of him the entire class period. I was honestly afraid for my life.

Even my peers were glaring at me because, and I quote, "My stunt cost them their sleep and then they lost their precious football game".

Oh, and let's not forget this one. I WAS FUCKING STARVING.

I had breakfast with my friends (doughnuts to be exact), but I didn't have lunch. Have you ever experienced a lunch ladies glare? They glare at you with their tiny beady crinkled eyes and they curl up their cracked lips in disgust. It was like having your grandma mad at you! It was terrible. Every time I got close to a lunch line they would glare at me and made me rethink my decision. And now for the last period of the day I had English class (with Mr. Kirkland) and my stomach was practically eating my insides. As soon as the class was over I was going to call Gilbert and demand that he pick me up a bacon cheeseburger from McDonalds. Because dammit I hadn't had McDonalds in four days! I was going through McDonalds withdraw! That is a crime in my book!

So where was I now you ask? Well I was heading to English class until I had a brush with the jocks. So currently I was jammed into a trash can in an unoccupied Spanish classroom. Because as I had said before, apparently it was my fault that they lost their football game. Well maybe if they played better they wouldn't have had that problem.

Worst part was, I knew for a fact that class had already started and now I was going to be late and Mr. Kirkland would be twice more pissed off with me.

And let me tell you something, I'm not the right body size to fit into a trash can! My knees were practically digging into my ribs and my legs were pointing straight up to the point where my nose was touching my shins and my converse shoes stuck out of the trash can. Also my arms were crammed to the side at a painful angle.

Once again my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was probably Kiku texting me, asking where I was. Cause ya know, we did have English class together.

Ok, so I had two options here, rock side to side, until the trash can fell over and then I could attempt to crawl out. Or, I could try and get to my phone. Well the first one sounded painful, so I chose the latter. Most likely I should have done something earlier because, let's see. I had been in there for about, twenty-five minutes. There was about twenty minutes of class left. For the first twenty-five minutes I sat in there thinking about random shit.

Carefully, I bent my arm at a strange angle as I sucked in my gut and reached for my phone in my pocket.

"Almost got it," I hissed at the pain as I reached for my vibrating phone. Slowly, it slipped out of my pocket and I was able to grab it.

VICTORY!

Next time I see those jocks I would kick their asses. After all, I was stronger than all of them.

I unlocked my phone by swiping my finger across the screen and read my text messages. I had four new messages to be exact. All from my friends.

**From: Kiku**

Alfred-san you're five minutes late. You know Mr. Kirkland will not appreciate it.

Message stored at: 1:52 pm

**From: Mattie**

Al where are you? Kiku told me you never showed up to class.

Message stored at: 2:03 pm

**From: Gilbert**

Yo, where are you? Matthew said Kiku told him you never showed up to class. If you were ditching you should have told the awesome me, we could have ditched together.

Messages stored at: 2:19

**From: Kiku**

Are you alright? Please answer back.

Message stored at: 2:27

My friends were always such worry warts. Quickly I replied to Kiku's text.

**To Kiku:**

Dude I'll explain later but ask to go to the bathroom and then walk to the Spanish 8 classroom. I'm in there. Hurry up will ya

Message sent at: 2:29

So now I waited.

About ten minutes late I heard the door creak open and a timid voice call out, "Alfred-san?" It was Kiku

"I'm in here!" I yelled, to emphasize my point I wiggled back and forth in the trash can.

I heard footsteps get closer to me and soon enough Kiku's head appeared above the trashcan, looking down at me.

"Alfred-san, what happened?" he asked me with wide eyes, and concern laced in his voice.

I gave him a deadpanned look, "I like trashcans so I decided to mate with it. What do you think happened?!" I exclaimed.

"Gomennasai. Well how do you want to do this?" He asked me. "Tip me over or something, so I kind of spill out or something. I don't know," I huffed.

Nodding, Kiku gently tipped the trashcan forward so the heels of my shoes slightly touched the floor. Next he grabbed the bottom of the trash bin, picked it up, and shook. Next thing I know I'm slowly sliding out of my stinky confinement. I probably looked like a turtle once all my limbs were out except my butt.

Then that came out as well. I sucked in a deep breath with glee as I stretched out my aching muscles. "Thanks dude," I smiled brightly.

He nodded, "So what did happen?" he inquired.

"Jocks, ya know the deal," I waved it off as we walked out of the classroom.

"You do know Mr. Kirkland will most likely scold you," Kiku pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," I ran a hand through my messy hair. I had about ten minutes left of class and then my detention session began.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx

**A/N: Over 4,000 words. Blegh. I usually write more than that but I just wanted to start writing chapter 3 so bad! Not to mention it's late at night. Sadly there was not much conflict between Arthur and Alfred this chapter but there will be tons next chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go revise this shit and edit. Tree-hah!**

**England: I thought you said if they reviewed I would get America =.=**

**Spades: In time yes. Chapter four is where you get to molest him I think…**

**America: Do I get a say in this?**

**Spades: Nope :D**

**England: Now if you will excuse me, I am going to bed because at my place it is 4 am in the bloody morning!**

**Spades: Fair enough, America, you get the honors then.**

**America: HELL YEAH I DO! Review please! And don't mind Iggy he's just prissy that he doesn't get my sexy body yet ;P**

**Spades: Oh that reminds me, I will take request for kinky stuff you want to see Arthur and Alfred do later on. Be creative. You have no idea how excited I am to write Alfred getting molested!**

**Anyways, review and all that good stuff. Reviews truly are love and they make me inspired to get new chapters up faster!**


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